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When a child makes choices that go against your beliefs, it can be a deeply emotional and challenging experience as a parent. However, scripture and teachings from modern prophets provide a path for navigating these moments with love, patience, and guidance. Here are some key points to consider:
Respond with Love and Compassion
The most crucial response is love. In Luke 15:11–32, the parable of the prodigal son teaches an invaluable lesson. The father’s love never wavered, even when the son chose a path contrary to his upbringing. When the son returned, the father welcomed him with open arms, demonstrating unconditional love. This teaches that, as parents, our children should always know that our love for them is constant, regardless of their choices.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf once said, “Love is the measure of our faith, the inspiration for our obedience, and the true altitude of our discipleship.” Responding with love means showing understanding and empathy while maintaining the principles you cherish.
Maintain Open Communication
It’s essential to keep the lines of communication open. James 1:19 advises, “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” Listen to your child’s perspective without immediate judgment or anger. Understanding their thoughts and feelings can foster trust and allow for meaningful conversations.
Teach by Example
Children may stray from teachings, but they are observant and often influenced by how their parents live. Doctrine and Covenants 93:40 reminds parents to “bring up your children in light and truth.” Even when they make different choices, your example of faith and consistency can guide them back to those values over time. Elder Robert D. Hales once emphasized that living the gospel joyfully and consistently shows children the strength and peace that come from faith.
Respect Agency
God has given everyone the gift of agency, and this includes your children. In 2 Nephi 2:27, we read, “Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man.” Recognizing this helps parents respect their children’s ability to choose, even when those choices conflict with family values. Trust that the principles you have taught will stay with them, even if they are not immediately visible.
Offer Support and Guidance
While you should not compromise your beliefs, you can offer support in a way that affirms your values. Gently remind them of the teachings that have shaped your life and be willing to answer questions or provide insights when they seek it. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland once mentioned the importance of “loving them through it” — being there to offer support while continuing to stand firm in your beliefs.
Pray and Seek Divine Guidance
Prayer is powerful, not just for seeking comfort but also for receiving inspiration on how to navigate difficult conversations and decisions. In Philippians 4:6–7, we are encouraged, “Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Pray for your child’s well-being and for the wisdom to guide them effectively.
Trust in God’s Timing
Sometimes, results aren’t immediate. Trust that God is aware of your efforts and that He is also watching over your child. The story of Alma the Younger in Mosiah 27 is a powerful reminder that even those who stray can come back to the faith in dramatic and unexpected ways. The prayers and teachings of his father, Alma, played a significant role in his eventual change of heart.
Conclusion
Parenting through these moments can be one of the most testing experiences, but it’s also an opportunity to deepen your faith, demonstrate Christlike love, and show your children that your beliefs guide your actions. Your steady example, prayer, and unconditional love can become a guiding light that may eventually help them find their way back or lead to growth and understanding in unexpected ways.
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